Idealism Hits a Snag, and Other Reality Shows
This one's a bit of a rambler, so sit tight, or just skip to the next post...I won't be offended.
So as a lot of my readers out there may know (all three of you), I have been fondling the nonprofit route for a few years now. For a long, long time, it was just a thought, a dreamy, idealistic whim that I repeatedly warmed up for :30 in the microwave and then forgot about due to the distractions of a lifestyle subsidized by a private sector salary. Then I got laid off, and decided with angry determination that I'd never sell out my ideals again. Or rather, I'd stop yammering on about my ideals when everything I did and touched with my life revealed nothing of the sort. So I took writing classes. And I traveled. And I started volunteering. And I applied for the Peace Corps. And I put my head down and wrote, and blogged, and designed a website, and temped, and drew, and biked like mad. All the while strolling down this cliched road to self-discovery, or rather to figuring out how to align my life pursuits with my ideals and values.
I started telling people I'm looking for a job in nonprofit, hoping it would trigger the perfect job lead. But they didn't know what the hell I was looking for, because the nonprofit world and the pursuit of a career in social good is as huge and diverse as, uh, well...the planet. I thought, "Dammit. Why do I have to do all the work here? Shouldn't the word 'nonprofit' be enough of a clue?"
It's really a long, slow process to find out what exactly it is that I want...both in my career and in my life. You'd think, gee, I'm standing right here. Why don't I just ask myself? Hey self, what do you want to do with your stupid self, you lazy good for nothing bum? But this self just shrugs her shoulders and flops onto her bed and takes a nap, and I'm not sure if it's because she's depressed or because she's just lazy.
My friend told me today that she's decided that she prefers policymaking or management to fieldwork. She wants to work in international development (another term like "nonprofit") helping impoverished or otherwise disadvantaged populations like women and refugees. She volunteers at a domestic violence shelter, and has discovered that she becomes frustrated working directly with the residents who often have so much stacked against them that they are unmotivated to get their lives together, in the privileged middle class sense. She said she would rather "leave the direct service to the real bleeding hearts."
It made me think of my own reaction to the women I work with as a domestic violence crisis volunteer. I started volunteering because I wanted to get involved with a cause that was deeply meaningful to me, and help people who most desperately needed my compassion and skills. But it can be depressing to see these battered women who have so little to work with: barely a high school education, no job skills, mental and emotional problems. Many of them have amazing strength to endure and survive. I can steer them to a place where they will be safe from their batterer for awhile, but many go back. And even if they don't, they have so much more to overcome once they are safe. It makes me question if I'm really making a difference, and if I could be making a bigger difference working with populations who have less desperate needs and a few more resources going for them. Like working for an agency that trains women to present themselves well in a job interview. I've learned to let go of the "save the world" mentality. Are those who most desperately need help the ones whom I can help the most? At first, it might sound like it. Seems logical enough, right? But am I really in the best position to help people who are different from me culturally, racially, class-wise? It's a question that plagues me when I think of international development work, or the Peace Corps, and it's question that I experience even at the shelter, where most residents are poor, not highly educated and share none of the social privileges that I take for granted. At home, the differences will always remain but they can be bridged through cross-cultural awareness and acceptance. Abroad, will I ever have the understanding of the local culture and value system to implement development plans without ultimately being arrogant or presumptuous? In these environments, what role am I best equipped to take on to offer the most that I can, given my limitations?
So as a lot of my readers out there may know (all three of you), I have been fondling the nonprofit route for a few years now. For a long, long time, it was just a thought, a dreamy, idealistic whim that I repeatedly warmed up for :30 in the microwave and then forgot about due to the distractions of a lifestyle subsidized by a private sector salary. Then I got laid off, and decided with angry determination that I'd never sell out my ideals again. Or rather, I'd stop yammering on about my ideals when everything I did and touched with my life revealed nothing of the sort. So I took writing classes. And I traveled. And I started volunteering. And I applied for the Peace Corps. And I put my head down and wrote, and blogged, and designed a website, and temped, and drew, and biked like mad. All the while strolling down this cliched road to self-discovery, or rather to figuring out how to align my life pursuits with my ideals and values.
I started telling people I'm looking for a job in nonprofit, hoping it would trigger the perfect job lead. But they didn't know what the hell I was looking for, because the nonprofit world and the pursuit of a career in social good is as huge and diverse as, uh, well...the planet. I thought, "Dammit. Why do I have to do all the work here? Shouldn't the word 'nonprofit' be enough of a clue?"
It's really a long, slow process to find out what exactly it is that I want...both in my career and in my life. You'd think, gee, I'm standing right here. Why don't I just ask myself? Hey self, what do you want to do with your stupid self, you lazy good for nothing bum? But this self just shrugs her shoulders and flops onto her bed and takes a nap, and I'm not sure if it's because she's depressed or because she's just lazy.
My friend told me today that she's decided that she prefers policymaking or management to fieldwork. She wants to work in international development (another term like "nonprofit") helping impoverished or otherwise disadvantaged populations like women and refugees. She volunteers at a domestic violence shelter, and has discovered that she becomes frustrated working directly with the residents who often have so much stacked against them that they are unmotivated to get their lives together, in the privileged middle class sense. She said she would rather "leave the direct service to the real bleeding hearts."
It made me think of my own reaction to the women I work with as a domestic violence crisis volunteer. I started volunteering because I wanted to get involved with a cause that was deeply meaningful to me, and help people who most desperately needed my compassion and skills. But it can be depressing to see these battered women who have so little to work with: barely a high school education, no job skills, mental and emotional problems. Many of them have amazing strength to endure and survive. I can steer them to a place where they will be safe from their batterer for awhile, but many go back. And even if they don't, they have so much more to overcome once they are safe. It makes me question if I'm really making a difference, and if I could be making a bigger difference working with populations who have less desperate needs and a few more resources going for them. Like working for an agency that trains women to present themselves well in a job interview. I've learned to let go of the "save the world" mentality. Are those who most desperately need help the ones whom I can help the most? At first, it might sound like it. Seems logical enough, right? But am I really in the best position to help people who are different from me culturally, racially, class-wise? It's a question that plagues me when I think of international development work, or the Peace Corps, and it's question that I experience even at the shelter, where most residents are poor, not highly educated and share none of the social privileges that I take for granted. At home, the differences will always remain but they can be bridged through cross-cultural awareness and acceptance. Abroad, will I ever have the understanding of the local culture and value system to implement development plans without ultimately being arrogant or presumptuous? In these environments, what role am I best equipped to take on to offer the most that I can, given my limitations?
posted by Justina at 7:57 PM
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