Parental Units Visit San Francisco

My mom has been sleeping in my bed with me. Ever the irrational worrywart, this morning she told me I should see a doctor.

"Last night I felt the bed vibrating," she said. "I thought it was an earthquake, but then I realized it was you, shaking in your sleep."

How do I explain that to the doctor?

Doctor: "What seems to be the problem?"

Me: "My mom was in bed with me and said I was making the bed vibrate in my sleep."

Doctor: "What kind of symptoms have you noticed?"

Me: "Well, that's something you'll have to observe for yourself. Here, I brought my sleeping bag..."

******

My parents are the ultimate tourists. They have traveled all over the world, but apparently have still managed to retain a wide-eyed wonder and child-like amusement towards blatant tourist traps.

"We saw a guy with a monkey on Fisherman's Wharf in Monterey," my mom said. "It was so cute. You give it money, and it gives it to its owner."

"And you can give it more money if you want to take its picture," my dad said.

"And we had clam chowder," my mom said. "But they take a loaf of bread, cut out the inside, and put the chowder inside. Can you believe it?"