Vigilante Cycling is Hazardous to Your Health
I am joining the FBI's Dumbass Protection Program. Yesterday as I was biking home, a large commercial pickup truck nearly sideswiped me as it roared past.
It was obvious the driver was either driving erratically to harrass me, or carelessly crossing into the bike lane out of absent-mindedness or cell phone use. I was livid. Nothing pisses me off more than people who antagonize cyclists.
So I chased down the truck after it got stuck at a red light. I pulled up to the passenger side and screamed, because the window was rolled up, "HEY ASSHOLE, MAKE ROOM FOR BIKES NEXT TIME!!" Passersby were staring. Boy, did it feel good. For about two seconds.
The late afternoon sun reflected off passenger-side window and I couldn't make out the driver's face. Fortunately, I could see that both of his hands were still planted firmly on the steering wheel, so I spun my bike around and got the hell out of there before he could reach into the glove compartment and pull out an assault weapon. I felt vindicated. I showed him. He'll remember me...and want to run down the next cyclist he sees in the bike lane. I kept checking over my shoulder to make sure he hadn't decided to come after me. Boy, I was farther from home than I thought. What if he circled the neighborhood and found me?
About a hundred years later I arrived at my apartment. I took one last glance over my shoulder to make sure the truck was gone. Had I done anyone any favors? Not myself, certainly, as I am planning to stay safely hidden in my apartment for the next 25 years, when that guy retires and there is no longer any chance that he might spot me riding my bike on the street and try to take revenge. I am a fake tough bitch.
In nearly a year of commuting around the city on my bike, I've witnessed or been on the receiving end of an impressive amount of hatred towards cyclists. There is definitely a sizeable portion of the driving population that believes deep in their vapid souls that cyclists have no right to be on the road, and a sizeable portion of the pedestrian population that believes deep in their vapid souls that cyclists have no right to be on the sidewalk.
I've had drivers yell out their window as I'm riding on a narrow street, "There's no bike lane, get off the road!"
I've had pedestrians sneer at me as I'm riding on the sidewalk to avoid hazardous traffic, "Why don't you ride on the street?"
For the record:
1. According to the California Vehicle Code (Sections 21200-21212), bikes have all the same rights to use the road as cars, including taking the full lane if necessary.
2. I did a fair amount of Google searching and could not come up with any information about laws against riding on sidewalks in San Francisco. Berkeley requires that bikes be walked on sidewalks, but San Francisco appears mum on the issue.
Cyclists are the unappreciated class of voyagers who inspire even more resentment because we are so completely justified in being self-righteous fucks, and because of the recent progress we've made in grassroots mobilizing. In the last few years, San Francisco has added significant numbers of bike lanes on major streets around town. You can now call and request a bike rack installed on nearly any sidewalk. Outdoor events expected to attract over 2000 attendees are required to offer bike valet parking. Nine of every ten MUNI buses have bike racks, and both BART and Caltrain allow riders to bring bikes aboard.
Allow me to point out the obvious for a second. Bikes are a cheapskate's dream. They cost pennies compared to cars. You don't have to pay for gas, insurance or parking. They also score you social consciousness points if you're environmentally-minded. You're not supporting oil wars when you're on your bike. You're not paving paradise to put up a parking lot, as they say. So we're self-righteous? Damn right. Can't think of anyone who has more grounds for self-righteousness. Plus, even though drunk cycling is subject to the same penalties as drunk driving, you really can't hurt anyone but yourself when you're wobbling back from the bars late at night.
And really, is there a more breathtaking city to cycle than San Francisco? Nearly any hill you climb will reward you with dramatic views of the skyline, the ocean, or the Bay. Cross the bridge into Marin for rolling hills, secret beaches and possibly the most bike-friendly drivers in the country (Arcata would be the exception if not for the fact that being too stoned to drive faster than 15 miles an hour doesn't qualify you for bike-friendliness.)
It is the perfect example of American selfishness and gluttony and mindless dependence on convenience that most car owners are offended by the idea of accepting cycling as a legitimate, practical and superior form of transportation. I've proposed to eye-rolling friends and cornered new acquaintances at parties that San Francisco should outlaw all motorized vehicles except those used for public transit. Hell, the city is already 46% Asian, we might as well take that final step to make it feel just like being in China: streets filled with bikes. It would solve so many problems in our country: obesity, oil-dependence, air pollution, poverty induced by paying for car expenses, impulsive shopping sprees (where are you going to stash your goods after you buy them?), not being able to get a date (just pull up to the cute boy at the red light and say, "Howdy." Gets them every time. A chick on a bike?? Hot.), running out of underwear (you go commando under those maxipad bike shorts)...the list is endless.
----------
This is only the beginning of my cyclist manifesto...
It was obvious the driver was either driving erratically to harrass me, or carelessly crossing into the bike lane out of absent-mindedness or cell phone use. I was livid. Nothing pisses me off more than people who antagonize cyclists.
So I chased down the truck after it got stuck at a red light. I pulled up to the passenger side and screamed, because the window was rolled up, "HEY ASSHOLE, MAKE ROOM FOR BIKES NEXT TIME!!" Passersby were staring. Boy, did it feel good. For about two seconds.
The late afternoon sun reflected off passenger-side window and I couldn't make out the driver's face. Fortunately, I could see that both of his hands were still planted firmly on the steering wheel, so I spun my bike around and got the hell out of there before he could reach into the glove compartment and pull out an assault weapon. I felt vindicated. I showed him. He'll remember me...and want to run down the next cyclist he sees in the bike lane. I kept checking over my shoulder to make sure he hadn't decided to come after me. Boy, I was farther from home than I thought. What if he circled the neighborhood and found me?
About a hundred years later I arrived at my apartment. I took one last glance over my shoulder to make sure the truck was gone. Had I done anyone any favors? Not myself, certainly, as I am planning to stay safely hidden in my apartment for the next 25 years, when that guy retires and there is no longer any chance that he might spot me riding my bike on the street and try to take revenge. I am a fake tough bitch.
In nearly a year of commuting around the city on my bike, I've witnessed or been on the receiving end of an impressive amount of hatred towards cyclists. There is definitely a sizeable portion of the driving population that believes deep in their vapid souls that cyclists have no right to be on the road, and a sizeable portion of the pedestrian population that believes deep in their vapid souls that cyclists have no right to be on the sidewalk.
I've had drivers yell out their window as I'm riding on a narrow street, "There's no bike lane, get off the road!"
I've had pedestrians sneer at me as I'm riding on the sidewalk to avoid hazardous traffic, "Why don't you ride on the street?"
For the record:
1. According to the California Vehicle Code (Sections 21200-21212), bikes have all the same rights to use the road as cars, including taking the full lane if necessary.
2. I did a fair amount of Google searching and could not come up with any information about laws against riding on sidewalks in San Francisco. Berkeley requires that bikes be walked on sidewalks, but San Francisco appears mum on the issue.
Cyclists are the unappreciated class of voyagers who inspire even more resentment because we are so completely justified in being self-righteous fucks, and because of the recent progress we've made in grassroots mobilizing. In the last few years, San Francisco has added significant numbers of bike lanes on major streets around town. You can now call and request a bike rack installed on nearly any sidewalk. Outdoor events expected to attract over 2000 attendees are required to offer bike valet parking. Nine of every ten MUNI buses have bike racks, and both BART and Caltrain allow riders to bring bikes aboard.
Allow me to point out the obvious for a second. Bikes are a cheapskate's dream. They cost pennies compared to cars. You don't have to pay for gas, insurance or parking. They also score you social consciousness points if you're environmentally-minded. You're not supporting oil wars when you're on your bike. You're not paving paradise to put up a parking lot, as they say. So we're self-righteous? Damn right. Can't think of anyone who has more grounds for self-righteousness. Plus, even though drunk cycling is subject to the same penalties as drunk driving, you really can't hurt anyone but yourself when you're wobbling back from the bars late at night.
And really, is there a more breathtaking city to cycle than San Francisco? Nearly any hill you climb will reward you with dramatic views of the skyline, the ocean, or the Bay. Cross the bridge into Marin for rolling hills, secret beaches and possibly the most bike-friendly drivers in the country (Arcata would be the exception if not for the fact that being too stoned to drive faster than 15 miles an hour doesn't qualify you for bike-friendliness.)
It is the perfect example of American selfishness and gluttony and mindless dependence on convenience that most car owners are offended by the idea of accepting cycling as a legitimate, practical and superior form of transportation. I've proposed to eye-rolling friends and cornered new acquaintances at parties that San Francisco should outlaw all motorized vehicles except those used for public transit. Hell, the city is already 46% Asian, we might as well take that final step to make it feel just like being in China: streets filled with bikes. It would solve so many problems in our country: obesity, oil-dependence, air pollution, poverty induced by paying for car expenses, impulsive shopping sprees (where are you going to stash your goods after you buy them?), not being able to get a date (just pull up to the cute boy at the red light and say, "Howdy." Gets them every time. A chick on a bike?? Hot.), running out of underwear (you go commando under those maxipad bike shorts)...the list is endless.
----------
This is only the beginning of my cyclist manifesto...
posted by Justina at 12:07 AM
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